Gotta Catch 'Em All
by albe-chan
Summary: A malfunctioning Portkey brings Remus and Sirius to Japan where they meet three very unexpected travellers who are on the quest to catch 'em all and Sirius learns that Summoning a Snorlax is BAD! CRACK!FIC. CROSSOVER. MILD SLASH. SWEARING. INSANITY. :D


**Gotta Catch 'Em All **

**DISCLAIMER: **I do NOT own Harry Potter or Pokemon, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence and language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

_**WARNING:**_ WILL CONTAIN MATURE THEMES (swearing, etc), MILDLY IMPLIED SLASH (male on male), EXTREME RIDONKULUSNESS and CRACK!FIC-NESS!! Ye be warned!

**Author's Note: **so, yes, I realize this is COMPLETELY fucked but…well…it totally was my friend Nick's idea, so you can blame him. LOL. Get ready for some crack-fic-ish-ness. YAY!! :D Review? Even if it's just to tell me you think I'm utterly fucked in the head. XD 'Gotta catch 'em all!!' Cheers!

XXX

Sirius Black blinked, dropping the rusty can he was holding. "Where are we?" he murmured, a frown wrinkling his pale, aristocratic forehead. He turned to his companion and saw his own confusion reflected back at him in amber eyes.

"Dunno," Remus Lupin replied, scratching the back of his head. "Maybe something went wrong with the Portkey spell?"

Sirius growled, an echo of his canine counterpart. "Fucking figures. God damn Ministry, always cocking things up…I swear I'm going to sue their asses off."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Well let's see if we can find someone for you to complain to, shall we?" he asked, smirking as he took the Animagus' hand and pulled him into motion. Sirius sighed melodramatically, but the corners of his mouth twitched upward as he linked their fingers and followed.

"Hey!" said Sirius, after the pair had been walking for what seemed like _hours_. "I think I see someone up ahead there!" He released the other man's hand and broke into a trot, the dirt road kicking up a cloud of dust with every footfall. "_Hey_!" he called. "Hey you!"

A boy, who had just come out of the woods, paused and turned, looking confused. Sirius eyed him speculatively. A red and white baseball cap, throwing the tanned skin of his face into a slight shadow, obscured his dark hair and he looked to be about fourteen. He wore a bright blue and white shirt open over a black tee, and the standard jeans. Remus caught up just as another male, this one older, and a young woman followed the boy out of the brush.

"Er…d'you know where we are?" Sirius asked, eyeing the newcomers slightly warily.

The girl was smiling, her bright ginger hair pulled into a side-ponytail, clad in extremely short jean shorts with bright red suspenders and a yellow top. The other male had skin the colour of milky coffee, squinty eyes and wore a green vest over a brown shirt and dark, forest green pants. All three of the strangers had decidedly _rigid_ looking hair, as it unfailingly stuck up in obscene spikes.

Sirius wondered absently why they were traveling together (he assumed they were traveling, as the boy carried a worn backpack on his shoulders). The boy looked at him like he was crazy. "We're in Japan, of course," he replied.

Shocked rendered the Animagus silent. Japan? _Japan_?! What…the fuck? He felt Remus stiffen by his side, and lips against his ear as the lycan whispered to him.

"What the hell are we going to _do_?"

The brunet tried to open his mouth to speak, but a sudden, high-pitched squealing sound had both him and Remus looking back to the forest. "PIKACHU!!" a yellow…cat-like animal, Sirius supposed, bounded out of the trees and jumped to perch on the boy's shoulder. "Pika?" the thing muttered softly, head quirking on non-existent shoulders as it regarded the two Britons.

It had pointed ears that were definitely cat-like, and seemed to use all four legs to run, but that was where the cat resemblance ended. The creature was bright, eye-watering yellow, and had two bright red circles on what Sirius assumed were its cheeks. It's eyes were bright, shiny black over an adorable pink nose, and black tipped ears as the fiercely yellow, oddly lightning bolt shaped tail flicked impatiently.

"Er…" Remus said, clearly just as thrown as his friend was, "what is that…creature?"

The thing seemed coherent and growled in its high-pitched little voice, a very sinister, "Pikaaa…"

"This is my Pikachu," the boy said, as though explaining the very obvious to someone who is very dense. "I'm Ash, Ash Ketchum, by the way. This is Misty and that's Brock." He gestured to the boy and girl behind him, who looked just as confused as Ash did.

"Ah," Remus replied. "And it's…what sort of species. This…Pick-at-you, thing?"

The boy's brows drew together. "He's a Pokemon. You know…"

"No, sorry we don't," Sirius replied in what most would consider a rude tone. "We're just looking for the Ministry, so if you could point us in the right direction to…I dunno, a consulate or something, we'll be going…" Remus elbowed his companion.

"Be polite," he chided quietly.

"What's a consulate?" Misty asked brightly, and the wizards both got the same very distinct impression. Ditz. For sure…

"Er…" Sirius said, glancing across at his friend.

Remus cleared his throat. "Never mind, look, do you mind if we go with you…wherever you're going, so we can maybe find our way home?"

Ash beamed at them now. "Sure! We're headed to Cerulean City, and hopefully I'll be able to find a few more Pokemon before we get there!"

"You…find these…Pokemon?" Remus asked delicately as they started making their way along with Ash, Brock and Misty. Sirius was gripping his wand tightly; his other hand clasped firmly around the lycan's, which none seemed to mind, except the lycan himself (although that might have been because his fingers were being squished like a vice).

"Yeah!" said Misty. "I've found seven so far! Brock has ten and Ash has-"

"Fifteen," the boy interjected proudly.

"Only fifteen?" Sirius asked suddenly. "And you don't go _searching_ for them, do you?"

Ash looked confused again. "Yeah – they're hard to find y'know. And yeah, we go looking for them, but you can only catch them if your Pokemon can defeat them." His grin slid back onto his face and the Animagus wondered if maybe the boy had multiple personalities. "My Charizard can beat almost anything though. I'm going to catch them _all_ someday! I gotta."

Brock snorted delicately and Ash glowered at him briefly.

"Why not just Summon them?" Sirius asked.

"Summon them?" Ash, Misty and Brock said together, surprise written all over their faces. Remus elbowed the brunet. Sirius ignored the jab.

"Yeah, with a Summoning Charm, y'know… _Accio._" They continued to stare at him blankly and Remus sighed. "What's a Pokemon thing you really want?" Sirius asked.

Ash's eyes lighted with a familiar fervor that both wizards recognized as their mate James Potter's 'Lily Look'. "A Venusaur!"

Sirius grinned and brandished his wand. "Accio Venusaur!" he said clearly, waving the stick and, to the three Pokemon hunters' amazement, one came flying out of the trees, crashing into a large boulder before falling to the ground twitching. Ash smiled jubilantly and pulled a small ball that morphed into a larger ball, on half red, the other white, from his backpack.

He tossed the ball at the still-twitching dinosaur looking thing, grinning madly, and the ball sucked the Venusaur into it as it cracked open, before flying back to Ash's palm and shrinking. He stuffed it back in his backpack reverently. "Hey thanks a lot!"

Sirius' answering smile was sparkling in the bright sunlight. "How about you, Brock old chap? What'll it be for you?"

"Sirius, maybe you shouldn't-"

"Hush Mooney!"

"Um…well a Psyduck would be cool," Brock replied uncertainly, eyeing the Animagus' wand with caution.

"Psyduck it is," said Sirius. He cast the spell and, just like before, the duck-like Pokemon came hurtling out of the thick trees and plopped with a slight squish, dazed at Brock's feet. The dark-skinned youth smiled widely.

"Wow! How did you _do_ that?"

"Who cares?" Misty retorted. "Me next!" She made a little jump and Sirius barely refrained from rolling his eyes. It appeared that even in Japan girls were still air headed and bubbly to the point of nauseous-ness. "I want a Snorlax!" she trilled before Sirius could speak, and Sirius, sighing heavily, waved his wand a third time.

The resulting crash shook the earth as a mammoth green and beige bear-esque creature slammed into the middle of the unpaved road, snoring to beat the band.

The brunet was knocked forcefully aside and he felt his vision swim as a throbbing took up residence in the back of his skull and blackness tried to swath his view. "Sirius!" Remus shouted. "Sirius, Padfoot, wake up!!"

Hands were shaking him, and the Animagus realized he must have passed out as he opened his eyes to see a grinning Remus staring him in the face. "Remus?" he murmured thickly.

"Who else? Get up you lazy sod, we have Transfiguration in half an hour and I don't want to be late."

Sirius sat up to find the familiar hangings of his bed in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory at Hogwarts. What the-? "Where…where did everyone go?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "They already went down to breakfast. You know James and Peter never wait for you to roll out of bed."

"No, no," Sirius said, rubbing his eyes as he stretched. How had he gotten home again? And why was Remus acting like nothing had happened? "I mean the others. Ash, Brock, Misty and that weird yellow thing, Pikachu or whatever…"

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "What in the buggering hell are you on about?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "What day is it?" he asked, swinging his legs out of bed.

"The last day of term, of course! You're still coming to my place for the holidays, right? Because I owled mum already and told her you would be… She can't wait to meet you y'know, hardly shuts up about it in fact…" Remus voice trailed off as he wandered into the bathroom.

It was a dream. Sirius almost sighed with relief. He hadn't been sent to Japan, after all; it had all just been one really, really fucked up dream… He laughed softly at himself and stretched as he stood, reaching up to scratch the back of his head.

His fingers encountered a lump. As though he had hit his head recently… Remus came out of the bathroom again, still chattering. "Hey Remus," the brunet interrupted, "have you ever heard of…Pokemon?"

Remus grinned. "No. Why? You going to catch some or something?" he asked teasingly, shoving his friend-with-fringe-benefits toward his school trunk in a not so subtle hint to get dressed.

Sirius shook his head and hitched a smile on his face. He was being absurd…how could he have gone to fucking _Japan_ over night? "Yeah," he replied. "Yeah, I gotta catch 'em all."

XXX

**Author's Note: **I TOLD you all it would be fucked!! XD But yes, this was my messed up little plot bunny, inspired by the retarded-ly brilliant (or brilliantly retarded depending on your viewpoint) Nick. …Yeah, I have weird friends. They know it, I know it, no worries. Review? Cheers!


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